1. Ribbed Air-Flow Gusset:

Tired of sweating like a whore in church? Never again, any light breeze makes your boys feel like tumbleweeds on a lazy afternoon.

2. Quick draw fly:

Our unpatented (please don’t steal it!) first ever left side fly gives you superb access to your concealed weapon. Never lose a pissing contest again!

3. Stealth Blend Fabric!

It’s so stealth you won’t even know you’re wearing it. No more showing up as a blip on enemy radar. Each pair is a fashion statement that says I’ve been tried but never convicted of espionage and I keep a cyanide capsule in my waistband just in case. And like all good stealthy things, it’s there to provide support, and combined with our ribbed air-flow gusset, it’s more like air support.

4. Designed to start conversations.

If you take your pants off in public, people will start talking, but if you’re wearing designs like these the feedback will be more positive. Instead of saying things like: Put your pants back on. They might be asking: “Are those monkeys sword fighting? Is that bird smoking a cigarette?” Yes. Yes to all.

5. It comes in a can...

It comes in a die-cut aluminum Sardine Can because great packages should come in great packages. With a flattering cut and extra layer of fabric, your kit and kaboodle will be snug as sardines.

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